03/02/2006

Med appointment early this morning for the boy.
Not overly concerned, but concerned.
A reminder that there are no guarantees, except for the love of the father.

The love of the father.

I sit in the waiting room and I worry in spite of of my exterior calm.

I look at the small, innocent children who are here. A stroller with an infant. Her two young Orthodox parents both dressed in black; conversing in whisperous breaths. A little girl in pigtails wanders through the brightly coloured rooms. Her eyes bright. Her complexion a little sallow. My son is in a room "back there" somewhere conversing with a stranger, looking for answers to replace the question mark that hangs over our heads. The Orthodox couple is called back there.

I"m reminded that this life is imperfect.

Any control that we assume we have over circumstance is illusion.

Everything is Grace.

Everything is Gift.

When we think that God has abandoned us at any moment of our life, we have failed only in discernment.

When I fail to see God in the everyday and in everyone, it is not because I have been blinded.

I have purposefully closed my eyes.

At the beginning of the day, at the beginning of the liturgy of the hours, we recite "Lord, open my lips and my mouth shall proclaim your praise."

I have a tongue to speak through grace.

With that gift I ask for another; Lord, open my eyes.